


with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life

by hyucksuckle



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Implied DoTae, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentioned NCT 127 Ensemble, No Angst, almost ambiguous but not really, it's just centered around the confession lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:21:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyucksuckle/pseuds/hyucksuckle
Summary: “I knew I loved you the day we met,” Jaehyun smiled and pushed a soft laugh past his lips, “and after one year, one month, and seven days I knew you loved me too.”
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life

**Author's Note:**

> jaehyuck.... <3 sorry it's kinda short lol (the title is from the poem "how do i love thee" by elizabeth barrett browning)

Jaehyun thought his worst nightmare was the apocalypse.

Watching the Earth diminish from the inside out is the kind of situation that would scare any sane person, and it went without saying that he would definitely opt out of that lifetime. However, the thought of Donghyuck reading his love letter in front of all their friends immediately overthrew that, now trivial, fear.

He knew that there was a possibility that he had misread their friendship, and maybe even projected a few of his own feelings onto Donghyuck. It took a lot of convincing, a majority of which came from Yuta’s optimistic attitude, before he finalized the idea and carried it out with careful strokes of his ballpoint pen. In his mind, the hardest part was over when he dropped the letter off into the mailbox of Donghyuck and Johnny’s shared apartment. He had officially washed his hands of it, and it was up to Donghyuck to confirm or deny the accusations that were made about him feeling the same.

Perhaps it was dumb luck, or some angel holding a grudge showing a bit of divine intervention, but it turned out Johnny accidently opened the wax-pressed envelope and decided to read the letter in its entirety. He’d only wished Johnny gave him this bit of information before their small gathering, where he watched him hand deliver the letter to Donghyuck and asked if he would be willing to read it out loud.

Donghyuck nodded in anticipation, the blissful ignorance clear in the way he smiled when he wiped excess lemonade off of his mouth. The juxtaposition between knowing and unknowing was clear in the way Jaehyun panicked at the sight of the paper, choking on his drink as he recognized the deep letter carvings and spots of ink from him writing too hard and hesitant. 

He could vaguely register Taeil asking if he were okay, but he was too focused on watching Donghyuck’s face shift from excitement to reticence as his eyes scanned the lower lines on the page. From the end of the couch, Yuta had started to make wide eyed expressions at Jaehyun, as if he had already connected the dots.

Mark was perched on the floor between the two of them, and after realizing they were having a nonverbal conversation, he sprung up with dejection on his features and swiped the battered paper from Donghyuck’s clutch. He waved it around in a gesticulate manner before inspecting different lines, “has everyone seen this except me?” He spoke with his eyes glued to note, “woah...” he stopped a few stanzas in and pressed it into Donghyuck’s palm with tinted ears, “who wrote this?”

There was a pregnant silence following, the low whispers of Taeyong and Doyoung were now completely halted when their ears turned to the front of the room. Everyone had shifted their eyes to Donghyuck, itching to understand how something like words on paper could cause so much commotion. He gripped the page like his life depended on memorizing it line by line. Every now and then his mouth opened as if he were debating on actually reading the cloy words aloud, but in the end he shook his head and folded the page in half. Johnny laughed at this, although it was nothing more than a few puffs of air from his nose.

Jaehyun was shameful. As much as he wanted to pin this whole situation on Johnny, which was true to a degree, he couldn’t help but to feel guilty for composing the letter in the first place. Usually when he confessed to someone he did it in the way that had been normalized overtime, which was simply telling potential partners, either in person or through text, that he had feelings for them. The only reason why he chose to write a Victorian-esque profession to Donghyuck was because writing was their thing.

A few times a day they would deliver letters to each other’s mailboxes. Certainly, they could always communicate through the phone or directly knock on the door, but Donghyuck had once mentioned that he’d always wanted to have a penpal, so Jaehyun conceded and wrote to him when he had the day off. This had been going on for a bit of time, and they escalated from merely writing about how their day went to using pen and paper as their main source of communication. It had become so routine that Jaehyun was caught off guard when he received text messages rather than letters from Donghyuck. With that in mind, Jaehyun thought it wouldn’t be too out of character to pour his adorations onto an empty notebook page.

The sound of someone else snickering made Jaehyun’s stomach turn with nausea. He didn’t think it was funny, especially since Donghyuck looked uncomfortable and he hadn’t even uttered a word. The longer he sat, more of them started to chime in with laughter. He wanted to scream and say there was nothing to laugh at, but he knew none of his friends were mature enough to listen. There was a chance they thought it was a joke, that there was a soul evil enough to trick Donghyuck into thinking they wanted to be with him in a romantic way.

Before Jaehyun could think otherwise, he reached his hand out and properly stood up, “I’ll read it.” He inched towards Donghyuck before he could slip the page into his pocket.

“You don’t have to,” Donghyuck’s face reddened even more. Jaehyun wondered if it was possible to catch a fever from blushing that hard.

It was obvious Jaehyun didn’t have to, but he didn’t have a reason to conceal his feelings any longer. He tugged the paper, which was now damp and nearly torn, and cleared his throat as Donghyuck took his seat.

 _This is it_ , Jaehyun thought, taking a deep breath (or three) before starting from the opening line. “Hi baby,” he smiled subconsciously at their overused greeting, “I know it’s not my turn to write, but I have something important to say.”

Reading the letter aloud left the same taste in Jaehyun’s mouth that he got from licking honey. It’s sweet at first, running down his throat with a saccharine taste that nearly made him want to thank the bees for their work. Yet, soon after the pleasant taste is overrun with the bittersweet tang that ghosts between his teeth and inner cheeks. He took another breath, and willed himself to continue.

“I remember the first day I met you in our anatomy class. I couldn’t remember which side was the radius and which was the ulna so you,” Jaehyun let the paper rest between two fingers to demonstrate, “you traced the outer part of my arm down to my thumb. “Radius.” You only said that single word, but I heard it as clear as day. Your voice was as delicate as your fingers.”

Jaehyun couldn’t bring his eyes away from Donghyuck, who was now pressed deep into the couch with a bashful smile. Their eye contact trapped them into their own world, and the pressure that came with the attention of their friends was no longer affecting either of them.

There was no laughter anymore, it was almost as if the entire building had gone quiet with neighbors pressing their ears to their thinnest wall to catch strays from the confession. Jaehyun continued, “believe it or not, I think I fell in love from that one interaction.” He raised a hand to rub the flush raising at the base of his neck, “When I went home I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I even paid your lab partner to drop the course for the semester so I could be paired with you.”

At this, a few of their friends giggled without malice. Jaehyun wanted to look up again to catch their live reactions, but he knew if he delayed any longer he might completely back out. He wondered if Donghyuck could see the trembles running from his palm to his fingertips.

“When you told me you were thinking of moving into the same apartment complex as me, I almost kicked Yuta out.” Jaehyun laughed as he dodged a strawberry that was thrown from Yuta’s side of the room, “as it turned out, Johnny’s roommate was moving to study abroad. I nearly cried with happiness. It seemed like my luck couldn’t run out when it came to you.”

This time, Jaehyun folded the page and put it into his own pocket. No, he wasn’t finished, but he had practiced the words for so long that they were like an unsung melody between his ears. He made eye contact with Donghyuck once more, who had his elbows digging into his knees in order to rest his chin in his hands. The attentiveness was powerful, as if he hadn’t just read the letter himself.

Jaehyun sent him a smile before he averted his eyes to his now empty hands. “I don’t think I have enough space on this page to go over all of my favorite memories, plus I might start crying and blend the ink between the lines.” He paused at the sound of Jungwoo aweing a bit too long, which was quickly followed by a slap and an ouch.

The smell of fresh rain forced Jaehyun to raise his eyes to the open screen door. Yuta moved to pull it closed, and flumped back onto his side of the couch. He nodded towards Jaehyun, urging him to go on.

“I’ll get to the point,” Jaehyun wondered if his face was rid of all the nervousness that had made a home between the two sides of his heart, pushing his blood around faster and making his skin boil. “Last month, on my birthday, you took me to the planetarium you love because you wanted me to hear the space sounds. Jupiter was your favorite.” He thought back to his birthday, how excited Donghyuck was to show him NASA extractions of the white noise that fluttered around planets. “The sound was nearly putting me to sleep, and you knew it too. Instead of keeping me awake, you just climbed into the seat with me and we fell asleep with our legs tangled.”

“We’re officially banned from going back for the rest of the year,” everyone shared a laugh at this, even Jaehyun himself. He pictured the face of the worker who could only yell aggressively to wake them, since touching them in the slightest could have ended in some overdrawn lawsuit. “I asked if you were upset, and you smiled. “Jung Jaehyun,” you said, “it would be an honor to be kicked from all of my favorite places with you.””

“I knew I loved you the day we met,” Jaehyun smiled and pushed a soft laugh past his lips, “and after one year, one month, and seven days I knew you loved me too. Our hearts are mirrored, Lee Donghyuck.”

The room maintained its silence, despite a handful of hushed comments and Taeyong sniffling. Above those, there was a shuffling sound of Donghyuck approaching Jaehyun. He wished he had the ability to hold back his blush, but as soon as his ears flared he knew he lost control.

Donghyuck moved in until their bodies pressed together from chest to knee, as if they were trapped in the middle of a slow dance. They weren’t necessarily hugging, but he planted his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder and used his hand to play with his fingertips. They stayed quiet, breathing in and out onto each other’s cheeks.

“You were wrong,” Donghyuck spoke softly as his mouth brushed the apex of Jaehyun’s ear.

“What about?” Jaehyun felt dizzy. The closeness wasn’t foreign to him, but it was rare for him to experience intimacy to this degree.

Donghyuck smiled, Jaehyun could see it clearly although half of his face was squished into his sweater. “I’ve loved you since Spring Break of last year. Do you remember?”

It goes without saying that Jaehyun remembers the events like the back of his hand. It started when Johnny texted him and asked if he could check on Donghyuck, to make sure he was settling in well. Of course, Jaehyun obliged and crossed the hall as soon as he could to. Donghyuck didn’t answer the first knock, and Jaehyun would’ve retreated back into his own apartment had he not heard a muffled sound of crying through the door.

It was nothing serious, Donghyuck was just down with homesickness and the fact that Johnny was nearly a stranger didn’t help at all. Jaehyun embraced him, right on the couch their friends sat around now, and told him that talking about his family always helped him through his bouts, and he was available if Donghyuck ever wanted to talk about his.

Donghyuck took this as Jaehyun expected, and began to share stories of his twin sisters every chance he could. Jaehyun’s favorite stories were ones of them at their jobs at the mall food court, and how every time they worked at the same time they would change places to see who could remember the most stuff.

Then came Spring Break. Jaehyun had been excited to no extent when Taeyong and Doyoung offered to take him to France with them, but at the last minute Donghyuck asked him to travel back to his hometown and meet his sisters and parents. As far as Jaehyun knew, France wasn’t going anywhere.

That week was one of the best Jaehyun had ever had, especially because Donghyuck’s family kept referring to them as boyfriends and neither one of them ever took the liberty to deny it. (He later found out Doyoung proposed to Taeyong on the France trip, and he was forever thankful he didn’t end up third wheeling _that_.)

“I remember,” Jaehyun answered, closing his eyes when Donghyuck pressed a soft kiss to the edge of his jaw.

“You guys are gross,” Yuta yelled. A chorus of laughter followed.

Jaehyun laughed heavily, his body made Donghyuck’s vibrate on the same level. Unlike the others, his laugh wasn’t due to Yuta’s outburst. He laughed at the idea of Johnny attempting to fluster him by reading the letter. 

Yes, at first, Jaehyun was virtually mortified. But as he watched Donghyuck’s cheeks bloom with color and lips twitch up in the smallest smile as the letter came to an end, he vowed that he would never be embarrassed to love someone like him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to anyone who reads ^-^


End file.
